The longest movie of my life - Part 2

So the 19:00 show was never screened and so numerous tamil folks, one north Indian (me obviously) and one telugu guy (Ratnaker) were waiting more eagerly for 22:00 show. On further research came to know the root cause of the problem was some kind of problem with digitizing the movie tape. The person responsible for conducting the show in the theatre told junta that this technician knows how to digitize normal American tapes but is not conversant with digitizing tapes for Indian movies. Also did you notice that I just said that person responsible for conducting the show; yes he was also a Tamil guy was some kind of professor somewhere, he was kind of broker cum agent for the show.

As has always happened in the history; whenever a group of people are suppressed beyond their threshold limits for substantial period of time, a hero emerges out of the group and stands against injustice. It was already 22:45. The hero for this group turned out to be a lady , whose toddler was crying. She fired the revolt and raised the voice for people and informed the show conductor that people are suffering here and he should let people know what is the actual status of the show ; are they going to screen the movie tonight or are they just trying to find an escape route as they couldn’t screen the movie tonight. As soon as she voiced the concern, there were way too many others who were raising their voices also. Most prominent being one of my roommates Vijay.

Somehow poor professor controlled the mob , yeah it was a mob of desi tamilians and finally the show started at 11:55. What was I doing during all that time; I was playing video games along with Ratnaker, placed in the theatre corridor. Everyone started settling down and the theater hall was jam packed in just couple of minutes. People were al clapping and whistling and finally movie started.

Kamal hasan’s first screen appearance pulled lot of applause and whistles and shouts and comments and what not. There was a comment in Tamil, of course I had to ask Narsi why are people laughing on this comment and Narsi told me that the guy just commented ‘Kamal is killing everyone, Kill me also’. Wow!!!! What a mind blowing comment.

The film really runs well till the reel that shows intermission written in the BOLD. I almost understood every single dialogue which Kamal had once he reached NY City. The language was English with true desi accent. As happens in most of the Indian movies, that movie takes a sharp ‘U’ turn after intermission; this movie in real sense did that. It was an ‘U’ turn’ beyond imagination.

To be continued...

The longest movie of my life - Part 1

“Vettayadu Vilayadu “!!! No … this is not a code. This is the name of the latest Kamal Hasan tamil flick. As my apartment mate Vijay tells me, it means “Hunt and Play”. No, I have not lost my senses and I accept that I watched this entire movie that too in a theatre and believe me I watched the whole movie and there were no subtitles being shown.

Story goes like this, I shifted to this new apartment where two of my roommates are tamilians and are die hard Kamal Hasan fans. They asked my friend Ratnaker whom I will be replacing in the apartment and in office and in many other senses, to join them in the movie and he being a telugu guy doesn’t understand tamil asked me to join them. But we are talking about buddyship here, being together in good and bed ..oops .. bad times although we didn’t understand each other’s native language. We (me and Ratnaker) thought that there will be subtitles in English in the movie and we will be able to comprehend the movie. The tickets were booked online in jiffy.

Movie was supposed to be screened at a theatre in Waukegan , a suburb of Chicago. The show was supposed to start at 22:00 Military time. I drove my car to that place with Ratnaker helping me with directions. Vijay was so much excited; it looked as if he is going to get laid for the first time. We reached the theatre at 21:45 and came to know previous play of the same movie that was scheduled at 19:00 was not screened and it will take some time before the movie could start.

To be continued……

Why KANK sucks ?????

KANK Sucks!!!!!

All those who know me well know well that I am a huge fan of SRK. I always try to watch his movies on Day one. Long live Balu, who arranged me the tickets for this movie in a great theatre in a Chicago suburb and man we are talking about day one. Theatre was great, company of friends in the theatre was great, even the nachos and big tall coke cup was great but ‘Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna’ was anything but great.

KANK is never ending long boring movie with a story which could have been shown in mere 90 minutes, had it been produced in Hollywood. Johar as always is a showman. He casts all the big names in his movies and this worked well until K3G but here he failed to create an entertainer. Best roles were given to Karol , John Abraham and Arjun Rampal according to me. The reason of course is they didn’t bore you that much. Aah !!!! I forgot to mention the best of the best role. It was played by Karan Gay (not Gay Gay , Just Happy Gay ) Johar. Do you remember, in which scenes did he appear ? He was in the train in the penultimate scene sitting with SRK. Anyway, let us not talk about acting performances here. Amitabh , Rani , Abhishek , Preity and to some extent SRK ; all of them are actors of category great to decent.

As appropriately quoted by one of my patrons, KANK is nothing but ‘switching story’. It starts and crawls and then culminates after more than 3 hours and in between it bores all. The major flaw in the movie per me is its length. Nice editing work could have saved this movie from total collapse but the story and the screenplay tried their level best to make this movie a pure junk. Someone wrote on sify movie review that this is SRK’s best performance after DDLJ. To that guy all I have to say is go F*** yourself. SRK did his best in ‘Swades’ and that consumed all that SRK had for couple of years and it will take him atleast another three years to come up with a performance as good as that.

Gay Johar managed to do justice to the nomenclature of the movie. Movie never said ‘Alvida’, it kept coming back and that too with larger intensity of boredom. SRK still needs to work on lip movement for the songs. He looked no different than how he use to do this stuff in ‘Dil Ashna Hai’ or “king Uncle’. Remember the songs ‘Dil Ashna Hai , Jigar Ashna Hai…’ and ‘Is Jahan Ki Nahin Hain Tumhari Ankhen’ !!! SRK keeps reminding himself that during his acting sessions raising both eyebrows at the same time will fetch him another filmf*** award to him and that’s what he was doing in this whole movie.

Songs were just okay. No real chartbusters in the movie. On the positive side there were some real ‘laugh out loud’ scenes in the movie. Especially the one, when Rani dresses up in leather and enters Abhishek’s room with a leather whip in the hand. You know I wanted to put it in this way only , I could have presented this the other way also. You know what I mean. Amit ji , managed to do justice to his role but if he continues to do roles like this , I am afraid I will have to withdraw this ‘Ji’ suffix from his name.

This is what my conclusion is: I have lost three and half precious hours of my life watching this grandiose crap and Gay Johar will never return my time to me. But I don’t want all of you guys to waste your precious time the way I did. Gay Johar has excreted so much of shit in KANK that lands of Dharma production will never ever need manure from outside to stay fertile.